Feline Strange
by HeartsGuardianSol
Summary: Jazz thinks he's a cat. Sideswipe thinks he's a cat. Prowl thinks he's a cat. Red Alert thinks he's a cat. Ya get it?
1. Chapter 1

I blame Tumblr and the unlimited amount of cat posts for spawning this plotbunny drabble. I don't own Transformers. Thanks and enjoy.

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Feline Strange

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Prowl sighed as Jazz purred from his perch on the corner of his desk. The saboteur smiling at the Praxian brightly as he waited for Prowl to glance up at him. The impatient TIC swiped at his hands as he went on to the next report.

"Jazz!" Prowl growled as he pulled back his hand. The mech in question purred even louder as he received the attention. Prowl resisted the urge to facepalm as Jazz began to groom himself.

The door burst open to reveal Ratchet dragging Sideswipe by the audio horn. The purring stopped as Jazz skittered off the desk to glare at the intruders from underneath.

"Ratchet. I see you found him."

"I did." Ratchet growl as he forced Sideswipe to sit in the chair. He glanced down at the hiding poly under the desk. "I see that it still hasn't worn off yet."

"Look it wasn't like I meant to make Jazz think he was a cat..." Sideswipe tried to defend himself only to trail off as he received an icy glare from the tactician.

"I'm positive that you didn't mean for this to happen to Jazz but, I'm sure you planned this to happen someone else on the Ark. Which is unacceptable. What if there had been an attack? We would be down however many of your _intended_ victims." Prowl growled as he stood up, his doorwings stiff and flared in agitation as he began to dress Sideswipe down.

Jazz let out a soft little mew as he stared up at the angry praxian. Prowl was full out yelling angrily in between Ratchet's input. Jazz began to rub aginst Prowl's legs in a feeble attempt to calm him down.

"You will be working with Wheeljack for the unforeseeable future only to clean up his lab after he has had his inevitable daily explosion. And you are not to tinker with any-ack!"

Prowl tipped forward over his desk as Jazz leaped up on his back. "Jazz!"

A happy purring in his audio had him torn between sighing and strangling the giggling frontliner in front of him.

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 _Revenge is sweet._ Jazz thought as he leaned against the door frame to the twins room watching Sunstreaker curse and scream at his brother who was currently clawing up the furniture. 'Someone' had taken the time to glue a pair of cat ears over Sideswipes audio horns, and a belled collar adorned the red mechs neck.

 _"NOT THE CANVASES!"_ Sunstreaker roared and there was a skittering as Sideswipe bolted past Jazz and the rest of the gawkers down the hall. Sunstreakker marched through the quickly divided mech briefly shooting a glare that promised retribution Jazz's way and storming after his twin.


	2. Chapter 2

Okay so my bunny spit out more of this Au...

Disclaimer is the same as it always has been.

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Chapter 2

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Jazz purred as he rubbed against the bristling Praxian next to him, the other mech was growling lowly under his breath despite the affection his companion was giving hims. His source of ire two equally deviously grinning mechs. Not that he knew why... All he knew was that he wanted nothing more than to claw the hell out of them... his instincts were demanding it.

If only the other would stop rubbing up on him!

"This is purrfect." Sideswipe said as he kept taking photos of the two. Both senior officers were covered in an odd synthetic fur that reacted to their EM fields. Currently Prowl's was flooffed out as he glared at the two of them with earnest distaste. Jazz's was silky against his frame calm as he tried hard to calm the other mech.

Sunstreaker rolled his optics at the pun as he tweaked with their appropriated gizmo that they had acquired from Wheeljack. _:You would make a pun:_

Jazz pouted, his fakes ears drooping ever so slightly as he was ignored still. He plopped down on the floor with a murmur. The tension in Prowl's frame eased ever so slightly. He still kept his glaring blue gaze at the frontliners, a dark promise lingering in their depths.

"I dare you to pet him." Sideswipe smirked at his twin.

"Like i'm that stupid." Sunstreaker scoffed.

"What he's a good kitty. Aren't you Prowl?" Sideswipe walked over to the glowing mech and rubbed a hand under his chin. Prowl craned his neck as the rubbing turned to scritches.

"See? He's harmless like this- OW!"

Prowl grinned as Sideswipe pulled back his hand to inspect the digits.

"I told you I wasn't stupid."

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Optimus sighed as he set aside yet another datapad. The whole Soundwave love notes debacle was almost enough to distract him from the backlog of requests and treaties from the humans. If only they would give him a break.

His door snicked open drawing his gaze at the oddly empty doorway. Frowning he leaned over the desk to peer into the happy blue visored gaze of Jazz. Optimus stared at his TIC as his prosthetic tail twitched behind him, the bot quite obviously under the influence of the catray...

"Primus help me if the cons ever get a hold of that damn gun..." The Prime muttered as he pinched the bridge of his nose. He leaned back in his chair with a sigh as Jazz leaped up to the edge of the desk with a pleased purr.

Another purr had him glancing downward to find Prowl at his pedes. "Not you too..." He ended up face palming. The dual harmony of purring eventually brought a small grin to his lip plates.

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Ratchet grumbled as the door to Optimus' office opened, shifting the datapads in his grip as the Prime looked up to motion for the medic to be quiet. _:Don't wake him up.:_

Ratchet frowned and craned his neck to peer over the desk where Optimus was running his hand over the smooth synthetic fur of the praxian.. Ratchet blinked at Prowl's curled up form, the stress lines on his face were faint for a change as he recharged in peace.


	3. Chapter 3

If you haven't figured out by now that this story and my Love Letters Story are in the same AU here is your notice.

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Chapter 3

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"I see you finally got your gizmo back." Red Alert said as he sat down at the table.

"Hm?" Wheeljack blinked up from the catray he was tinkering on. "Oh this? Yeah… this is actually a prototype of the catray."

"Wait you made two of them? Are you mad?" Red Alert demanded while quietly pinging Ratchet. "Do you know just how dangerous that damned thing is?!"

"It's perfectly harmless. In fact I think I've finally added on a reverse button." Wheeljack said proudly as he held up his invention. "See this here is-" The engineer was cut off as a wrench hit him square in the back of the helm courtesy of a well aimed throw from Ratchet.

Unfortunately in his moment of startlement he dropped the gun. Doubly unfortunate, the gun went off and hit Red Alert before breaking on the ground. Somewhere among Ratchet's ranting and Wheeljack's cries of pain Red Alert had managed to run away to hide in his sanctuary.

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Having to explain his medics… radical punishment techniques to the human visitors that day was by far the worst processor ache Optimus had had this week so far. But nevertheless the agents that was visiting laughed and took it all in stride. They followed the Prime to the conference room, one of them setting down a blue boom box that he had found sitting outside the Ark…

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Soundwave smirked at the naivety of the humans. Just when he thought they couldn't be more idiotic, there was always one that would scoop him up and take him into places he was intent on infiltrating. Not that it was normally hard to sneak into the Ark.

He waited until the coast was clear to transform back into his root mode and began tiptoeing through the Ark. Today was a simple mission, to plant a virus to cause their tracking technology to glitch long enough for several space bridges to be opened sending new reinforcements recruits from Cybertron across while also sending back the energon Shockwave requested.

He slipped into Red Alert's surprisingly empty office. Locking the door behind him he pushed aside the chair and quickly got to work on implanting the virus. He was so focused on his task that when a warm frame brushed against his legs he replied, "Ravage: This is not the time."

Only to freeze several seconds later as his words hit him and the fact that Ravage _was not with him_.

Soundwave pulled his blaster out and aimed downward only to pause as Red Alert rubbed up against him once more. The blaster switched off as he slid it back into his subspace. "Red Alert?" Soundwave frowned. The security director was couched down sitting oddly reminiscent of Ravage as he gazed up at him. He laid a hand on the host mech's leg.

"Query: What are you doing?" Soundwave asked as the other mech pawed at his shins again. The mech said nothing as he blinked back into Soundwave's visor. "Red Alert?"

The Lamborghini pawed at him again, bringing a slightly embarrassed warmth to his hidden face plates as Red Alert began to purr. Soundwave vented a sigh before making a decision to read the autobot's mind

 _Pet me? Pet me? You looked at me, Now PET ME._

Dear Primus what had he gotten himself into?


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

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Optimus was pinching the bridge of his nose as he shook his helm at the sheer and utter chaos that reigned supreme in the rec room. "I think I will let Ratchet turn him into a toaster." he grumbled lowly.

The entire Special Ops group sans Jazz, plus Prowl and the Twins were all scattered about the rec room, some curled up in various balls, others hissing at the others that dared to bother them..

One of them... the smallest of the lot, let out a little mew as he sat at the tall mech's pedes staring up the length of his long, long legs, whilst contemplating on how to get the tall one's attention. So he did the first thing that came to mind and wrapped his limbs around the nearest leg.

Optimus glanced downward into wide innocent optics gazing up at him imploringly from his smallest scout who was wrapped around his leg. "Bee?" Optimus asked as the bot gave a tiny mewl, his optics seeming to grow even larger. Optimus sighed and ran a hand over the yellow bot's helm, earning him a pleased purr as Bee decided to further climb up his frame.

Jazz shot his leader a grin from his seat over on the couch where the sabatouer's lap was occupied by a content Prowl who was glaring at Sunstreaker who had dared to crawl onto the unoccupied side of the sofa.

"This has gotten out of hand, don't you think?" Optimus grunted as Bee finally perched in his cupped arms.

"I suppose you are right O.P. Though you've gotta wonder just how this would work against the cons."

"... You are not going to use that wretched gun on the decepticons Jazz."

"Why not? I think it'd be hilarious to see ol Buckethelm trying to act like a cat."

Optimus shuddered at the thought of Megatron acting like a cat... "Jazz. No. Just no."

Jazz's grin grew.

"I said no Jazz."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

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The command center of Decepticon HQ blinked with wide optics at the mech that had just appeared in the middle of the room.

Mirage grinned as he twirled a small blaster is his hand.

"What are you waiting for?! Fire already!" Megatron roared as he cuffed the nearest mech in the back of the helm. Starscream squawked as the pivoted forward his shot going wide and missing the spy who promptly vanished from sight.

Shots flew about the room, Most of which were dodged though it was quite obvious that some of them were hitting their unintended marks (though Starscream was aiming at Megatron )

Mechs began to fall and shortly the few still standing were staring in bewilderment at the other mechs who were acting... strange.

"What in the p-ack!" Thundercracker hit the ground ungraciously.

Starscream's optic twitched as he watched Megatron lave the back of his hand with his glossa.

"They're acting like-"

Mirage chuckled as Screamer clambered up from the floor where he had landed on Thundercracker, the blue jet purring and affectionately rubbing against his trine leader. The Autobot began to count the cons who were scattered around him.

Only to notice that he had missed the communications officer who stood staring blankly at the scene before him.

'Twas mere seconds before the spy reappeared in front of Soundwave.

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It should have been one of the most terrifying positions to be in: Point blank. The muzzle of a gun mere inches from his visor. However Soundwave, temporarily being the only sane decepticon on the base and having watched his comrades fall under the effects of the weapon currently aimed at his helm, wasn't afraid.

Especially since Mirage had already shot him with the cat ray several times. Mirage was glaring between Soundwave and the gun trying to figure out just why it wasn't working…

Soundwave finally took pity on the spy, "Soundwave: Shares minds pace with Ravage. Catray: Ineffective." he grumbled as he crossed his arms.

"You've got to be kidding me."

Soundwave tilted his chin up in acknowledgement. Mirage sighed and lowered the gun. "So um… You want to record some blackmail footage?"

Soundwave was silent of a minute. With each second that passed Mirage twitched under his gaze, his free hand slowly slipping towards his subspace. Soundwave chuckled finally and nodded.

"Blackmail: sounds fun."


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

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The three of them starred in horror at Ratchet's momentarily unconscious state.

"Ratchet?!" First Aid finally snapped out of it and began to scan his mentor. The older mech slowly came around with a slight grumbling in the back of his intake. "Ratchet are you okay?"

Sideswipe reset his vocoder. "Um, Aid.."

A pale blue visor snapped up to glare at the red frontliner. "I can't believe you fragging shot Ratchet. What is the number one rule in the med bay? No guns."

"Aid it's harmless, see he's fine." Sideswipe motioned down at the unblinking medic.

Ratchet stared up at the two of them, a somewhat contemplative look on his face while his glossa peeked out from his lips.

Aid gave a low growl as he slowly stood up to his full height. "That is not the fragging point. You. Shot. Ratchet."

Sunstreaker facepalmed with a muttered, "Glitch."

"I didn't mean to?" Sideswipe slid off of the berth and held his arms in an attempt to try to soothe the irate medic.

"You IDIOT." Aid grabbed the first thing that came to hand and threw it at the mech.

The wrench missed but Sides yelped all the same before darting out of the med bay. Rearming himself Aid quickly pursued brandishing his new shiny weapon.

Sunstreaker following up behind if only in a vain attempt to preserve his arm's integrity.

Ratchet gave a soft meow before slinking off to find somewhere sunny to curl up


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

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When the rec room went silent, Sideswipe knew that he was in for it.. before he could even make a move to get up from his chair the red hand of doom itself was upon his shoulder.

"Give it to me." Ratchet grumbled grimly as he held out his other hand.

Sideswipe slowly pulled the catray out of his subspace and offered the irate medic the gizmo.

Ratchet swiped the device out of his hand before placing it on the table and pulling out his largest wrench; the sight of it drawing a whimper from Sides before the medic was slamming it down onto the catray, the device giving off a kreen as it sparked and spurt off one last blast, hitting Optimus Prime square in the chest.

X

"I thought ol Ratchet was gonna kill poor Sides."

Prowl shook his helm as he keyed his code into the key panel. "I believe that First Aid did enough damage to satisfy him. Though it would be nice to know just where on the Arc our leader has slinked off to."

"O.P. will be fine. There's no way he's getting out. After all it's not like he's hard to spot."

"And yet he still managed to slip past all of the special ops mechs present and Red Alert's cameras.." Prowl trailed off as he stared at the sight that was revealed as the door slid aside.

Optimus was curled up on the berth deep in recharge, with six adolescent cats sleeping peacefully in various places on his frame.

There was an audible click as both mechs blinked at the scene before glancing at one another.

"... where'd the cats come from?" Jazz asked before Prowl burst into quiet laughter.


End file.
